The mathematical formula for happiness
Why is it that some people seem so much happier than others? Why is it that different people, with seemingly identical lives, can have such diverse levels of happiness?
Why do some pastors sing as they sail through the week, and some pastors wail like they've been the recipient of a daily root canal? Why do some mums ‘glow’ as they shop with their three kids in tow, and some growl? Why is it that the Karachi airport crowd seem to smile heaps more than those at Melbourne's Terminal 2? What is the secret to happiness?
The answer is given in the Scriptures, of course. But before I go there, let me tell you why I'm asking the question. It was prompted by a novel I read recently. Numbered Account is a murder mystery written by Japanese, US and Swiss (what a combination!) author Christopher Reicht. Reicht's main character, Nicholas Neumann, in a moment of quiet reflection, throws out a great one-liner: he says, “Happiness is equal to reality divided by expectations”. What he uttered was the mathematical formula for happiness. This sentence was so profound, I had to pause: I stopped to take the time to savour his point and digest it. I even wrote his formula down on a piece of paper in classical mathematical format (i.e. with equal sign, numerator, denominator, horizontal line, etc).

Neumann's formula really is a profound observation. It's a very helpful observation or formula because it assists us in working out what either increases or diminishes our happiness or joy. According to the formula, happiness can decrease for two reasons:
1. Reality gets worse
Firstly, the reality of the lives we live gets worse. Our circumstances take a dive. For example, discovering that your superannuation has halved in value over the past three months, going through a miscarriage, forgetting our wife's birthday ... again (arrgh!)
Now, these three scenarios are really horrible things to experience, and yet what we all know to be true is that some people are more joyful than others in the midst of the same trial. Why is this the case? It is often related to the second cause of unhappiness.
2. Our expectations are unrealistic
Even though our circumstances can take a dive and our happiness can decrease, I want to focus on the second cause of unhappiness—the denominator in the equation—the less obvious and even more insidious cause of unhappiness—that is, unrealistic expectations.
Now I don't know if you're used to fractions, but if you look at the formula above, you will notice that happiness is inversely proportioned to expectations. As expectations increase, happiness decreases. If a person walks around with very high expectations of life, their happiness is tenuous. If a person expects little, their happiness increases.
You see this in life all the time. Let me give you some examples:
- You go to your week 19 ultrasound expecting to find out your baby's gender. You're told it's a boy. You buy the little wooden multicoloured teddy bear letters that spell B-A-R-R-Y. You paint the nursery blue. You're expecting a boy. 21 weeks later, you give birth to a bouncing baby girl! Argh!!! You're still happy that you have a healthy baby, but you are stressed; after all, it's very hard to find a girl's name that is an anagram of B-A-R-R-Y.
- You expect Baz Luhrmann's Australia to be a 9/10, but in reality, it's a 5. Your joy reduces, and you walk away glum.
Now, the above examples aren't big clangers, are they; there are other situations in life that are much more serious. There are some expectations people carry around that, when they are not fulfilled, cause them to sink into very deep lows—deep depressions … even despair.
What I've noticed is that Christians adopt the expectations of the world without first filtering them through the word of God. Christians should never ‘expect’ to have, to be or to do anything that our gracious heavenly Father has not promised to give them, make them or empower them to do.
Let me share with you some common erroneous expectations and how they weigh against God's word. Have you ever heard someone utter sad statements like these?
- “I've just turned 30. I thought I'd be married by now. I feel like I'm missing something.”
- God never promises a marriage partner.
- Jesus was not married. He wasn't “missing something”.
- Have you ever noticed what happens at Christmas time? People sit around the tree and open gifts they've been given. Sometimes Barry looks at Bob's gift and wishes it was his. It is the same with marital status. The singles have been given a gift (1 Cor 7:32-34, 38), but often they look sideways and want marriage. The marrieds have been given a gift—a great gift!—but often they too look sideways and wish they were single again. Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim 6:6).
- “I thought life gets easier as you get older.”
- You need a lobotomy to believe this one. From a physical point of view, it is absurd. What did Lazarus do post-John 11? He died! What will all of us do? Die. Death usually involves sickness, sickness usually involves pain, and pain is plentiful in old age (cf. Eccl 11:10).
- From a responsibility point of view, life gets harder too! The older you get, the more responsibility you bear. Responsibility hurts; the older you get, the more people you are responsible for. This means more people competing for your time and attention. This means unhappy people, and this means conflict. Look at the New Testament letters: what do elders/overseers/leaders have to do? They have to preach sound doctrine (Titus 1:9). Woo Hoo! What else do they have to do? Refute those who contradict it (Titus 1:9). Doh!
- “I find it really hard being a Christian. My atheistic family give me more curry than the North Indian Diner.”
- What did you expect? 2 Timothy 3:12 says “all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be
pampered[oops!] persecuted”! - Jesus' family thought he was a lunatic too, despite the fact he could do really cool party tricks (Mark 6:4).
- What did you expect? 2 Timothy 3:12 says “all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be
- “I thought being a pastor would be really satisfying, but I really miss my old architectural firm.”
- It is no accident that 1 Timothy begins with ‘fight’ language and ends with ‘fighting words’ (1 Tim 1:18, 6:12).
- It is no accident that, in 2 Timothy, Paul's apprentice is told to ‘man up’ or ‘be strong’ and to “share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Tim 2:1, 3).
I won't go any further; I think you can see my point. Perhaps it would be wise to do the following:
- Take note of when you feel unhappy or down.
- Write down how you feel.
- Write down why you feel down.
- Try to work out whether your mood is a result of an unfulfilled expectations.
- Run that expectation through the filter of God's word.
- Finally, do the one thing that will stop you from losing heart (i.e. succumbing to helplessness) or losing your mind (i.e. succumbing to hopelessness)—that is, obey Philippians 4:4-7:
We are to rejoice and pray, for “this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thess 5:16-18)Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Perhaps you can point us to some other Scriptures that can help us train our expectations.


