Thanks for your thoughts Ben. I think the issue of happiness and contentment is a live one, and I hope you guys will revisit it in future. In fact, I hope MM has a guidebook to “Joy” in the works, that would worth reading.

You quote God’s command to “Rejoice”. Can you expand on what that means? Does it mean saying, “Praise the Lord” when your heart is heavy and joy is the last thing you are feeling? Does it mean something else?

Thanks Ben,
Your analysis of the equation is very helpful.  It’s one of those things that I think we all know, but it’s easy to lose sight of the wood for the trees…
It might be fruitful to have a follow-up discussion on the connection/distinction between ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’.  That’s another perennial debate that keeps popping up.

Hi Kris,

Thanks for your comment. No I don’t think it is wrong to desire things - so long as they are in accord with the will of God. If a Christian is being consumed by passion (1 Cor 7:9), it is very right and good and wise to want (& pray for) a wife / husband. The problem in Christendom today is that people want a spouse even when they may not be troubled by lust at all. Few Christians contemplate 1 Cor 7:37-38 seriously. Few think that singleness is a desirable gift. I hope I’ve responded appropriately to your comment. You’re right, my post was more about expectation than desires. I have two gospel guerilla friends who have just started doing hard core coal face evangelism jobs. They need funding. I desire, I wish that God would allow $50,000 to ‘come my way’ so that I could throw it their way. I desire it, I pray for it, but if it doesn’t come I won’t be angry with God. He never promised it.

Hi Craig,

Joy! What does it mean to rejoice? That is a profound question and it is at times like these that I feel close to Winnie the Pooh. What is said of him? He is a ‘bear of little brain’. I’ll write more on this in another post, but for now I’ll share some thoughts.

Happiness is a subset of joy. Joy is bigger and richer than happiness. Happiness is getting to level 7 of Halo 3 (apparently that is a computer game!!). Joy is the feeling the 9 old son has, when he’s mowed the lawn by himself for the first time and his Dad comes outside, looks the lawn over, looks at his son and says, “Well done son, you’ve done a mans job of mowing the lawn.” Joy is a deep, rich & relational happiness. Joy can be ‘enjoyed’ when the muscles ache and the sweat beads on the forehead and the grassclipping scratch you inside the socks. Joy can be ‘enjoyed’ in the deep crevices of life’s trials. (James 1:3-5) Happiness almost always involves smiles, and is almost always fleeting. Joy is knowing, being aware of, being secure in the deep and rich love of God. Christian Joy is feeling like the lawn mowing son all the time as a result of the Cross.

So is it saying, “Praise the Lord” when your heart is heavy? I think of some of the really sad things Emma and I have experienced, e.g. miscarrying twins in 2002. It was SO sad. I am a twin and have loved every moment of being a twin. We were distraught. In the midst of that did Emma and I walk around saying, “Praise in the Lord.” Well, yes, but not with tamborines and Hollywood smile. It was more “Praise the Lord, he has given us an adopted son, Shaun, who he gave salvation to; the Lord has given us a daughter Isabella already . . . many of our friends cannot have any children at all. Praise the Lord, that our twins, these two special little people, who we never got to know, are in the palm of God’s hand. We praise you Father for all that you’ve given to us thus far, and the inheritance that you will bestow on us in Christ, on the final day.”

Rejoicing is (i) being thankful continuously (Phil 4:7) (ii) not despairing - i.e. still praying (iii) knowing God will give the resources you need to persevere (1 Cor 10:13) (iv) knowing God is working all things things together for those he loves (Rom 8:28) and (v) knowing God will pilot your soul into the harbour called “Heaven”. (John 10:28)

[Yikes Craig, this response is longer than the blog!!]

Beate & Alan, good comments men.

Ben, hopefully the above comments have something to say re: your question. I am a babe in the woods re: joy v happiness. I’ll do some more thinking about it.

Please share your thoughts!

Others? Please chip in!

Sometimes, people DO need to repent of their expectations —I met a woman once who was quite angry that God had not performed according to her program and provided her with a husband by a particular age, and I think that’s a sin (I must also say she was one of the most spinsterly people I’ve ever met!)

But more often, these sorts of comments are a sign of grief rather than anger with God.  And grief is not sin—it’s part of the process of adjusting to reality.  Mereover, some griefs run very deep: Scripture itself tells us that the barren womb never says ‘Enough’.  I imagine most godly single women have noticed that God hasn’t promised them a marriage partner or children, and they might be looking for more than the rather obvious points listed, if they are raising their singleness with a married male minister.  Gosh, maybe they need a bit of help with their burden, rather than being told to get over themselves and preach the gospel, true and right as that might be.

Some kinds of hurt, such as the death of a child, must hurt more because so few people these days understand the experience.  A century ago, this loss was much more common, so everyone would have had someone to talk to.  Perhaps part of the job of the minister is to make sure that people can find someone with a similar experience to learn from?