Partner (a WordWatch)
Our final WordWatch in this series is about that rather ugly word in the field of relationships: ‘partner’.
In current PPC1 English, the words ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ have been banned and replaced by the single word ‘partner’. I would like to be able to mock this in loud derisive tones as being part of the modern corruption of language. Sadly, the facts get in the way.
It turns out that partner was first used for a spouse back in the 18th century. In 1749, the novelist Tobias Smollett wrote, “What means the gentle partner of my heart?”, referring to his wife (and providing along the way evidence for just how long men have failed to understand their wives!) In 1816, the poet Robert Southey wrote, “I ... took the partner of my life with me”. And in 1879, Dean Farrar, in a book on the Apostle Paul, wrote, “The believing wife or husband might win to the faith the unbelieving partner”.
However, it is also true that this usage seems to have died out by the beginning of the 20th century—only to be revived towards century's end for what look like dubious reasons. As marriage declined and couples took to living with each other without a formal commitment (I think the technical term is ‘shacked up’), they needed a name for the person they lived with.
Words such as ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ seemed foolish for adults; ‘de facto’, too blunt; and ‘this is the woman I sleep with’ a touch insensitive. And so this older use of partner was revived. The result is that it now carries with it moral and cultural baggage. To use ‘partner’ for your spouse is to express (intentionally or unintentionally) approval of the notion that it is the partnership that matters, not the God-ordained institution of marriage.
Christians should, in consequence, consciously avoid partner in such contexts, and loudly and clearly pronounce such words as ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ as one small step towards making the Christian position clear. One final thought: where does this modern usage leave a firm of solicitors or accountants? Will they have to stop referring to each other as partners so that we understand their relationship to be strictly business?
(Kel Richards, ‘WordWatch: Partner’, The Briefing #314, Nov 2004.)
1 Pathetically Politically Correct.
As a current medstick (medical student) I must admit that the word ‘partner’ has become quite common in not only patients’ vocabularies, but also my own. It is a word that is ‘gender neutral’, and seems to often be used to describe any form of relationship (whether it be marriage, de facto, boy/girlfriend, etc), once those in ‘partnership’ reach an age of say 20+.
As a Christian, I wonder how I can “consciously avoid partner in such contexts, and loudly and clearly pronounce such words as ‘wife’ or ‘husband’”, while remaining ‘PC’, in a context where it is so highly valued!
Hmm… I’m not convinced that this is a ‘battle’ worth fighting.
My partner agrees
Naturally I refer to my husband as my husband. I shall be a little more sanctimonious about it in future, in order make my Christian position “clear”.
... No; I can’t quite follow the logic here…
To use ‘partner’ for your spouse is to express (intentionally or unintentionally) approval of the notion that it is the partnership that matters, not the God-ordained institution of marriage.
Good wordwatch, but not sure I agree with Kel on this point. There may have been a time when this was true, but I think often (as in this case) language changes which were politically / morally motivated fairly quickly lose their “make a statement” force and simply become normal, neutral expressions. (Case in point: gender-neutral “they” for the old gender-inclusive “he”.)
Of course, with “partner” it all depends on the context - in some, it may connote moral acceptance of de facto relationships etc. But I can easily imagine using “partner” in a Christian context (marriage counselling, for example), as a variation on “spouse”, without being understood to mean, “By the way, it’s OK to shack up without getting married”.
Hi Jono,
Not sure if the context you are talking about is when you are taking histories from patients or not. If so history taking is different to general conversation because as a doctor you get to ask the questions and need the answers to help the patient. Calling a lady with children Mrs X makes an assumption and can be enough to put them offside before you start. (Been there done that, foot in mouth is my specialty
)
So I am happy to use the terms the patient uses for their relationships. If I haven’t found out about relationships before the social history, asking something like
“Where do you live?” and then follow up with “Who lives in the house/caravan/wherever with you?” . This way you haven’t assumed anything about the patient or their circumstances and get a chance to find out the terminology they use for their relationships (I haven’t upset someone like Kel by asking them about their partner and haven’t upset Mr PPC by asking him about his wife). I then use their terminology back to them (ie What does your wife/partner/defacto do for a living?). Hopefully by now you will have figured out the gender of the partner by the patients use of he/she. If not you may need to press further.
If patients ask me about my “status” I have no qualms replying with my terminology (married, wife, husband etc) and not the patients terminology.
This way I feel I have shown respect to the patient (possibly by being more PPC than them), but have the freedom of using the terms I feel appropriate to describe my relationship.
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