Training for frustration
January has been a somewhat hilarious month in the Grimmond household, although I use the word ‘hilarious’ loosely. It was one of those bizarre chains of events.
Scene 1: The Grimmond household before Christmas. My wife's sister had given birth to her second daughter in November, and we were working out how to go and visit her. (She lives about 800km north of us in a town called Lismore.) Cathy's mum graciously offered to pay for most of the cost for the family to fly up for a week and then home again. Our kids were delighted. (They don't get to stay at Nanna's house more than once a year, at best.) Of course, we didn't choose the flight insurance option!
Scene 2: The Grimmond household in mid-January. We came home from a conference we'd been to, and our youngest son was quite unwell. Then we got a note from the conference that someone had had whooping cough there and that if you had any symptoms, you should be tested. We went off to get tested, the doctor didn't think the symptoms looked like whooping cough, but did the test just in case. Sure enough, a few days later the call came through: he actually had it.
Scene 3: The hours after the doctor called. Of course, we didn't get the test results until the night before Cathy and the kids were due to fly out. (I was going to join them over the weekend.) We rang the airline. They were full of sympathy, but short on action. We couldn't change the tickets. Use 'em or lose 'em. We rang the health department. As long as we took the appropriate precautions, it was okay to fly. But of course, the real joy—the real purpose of the trip—was to see our newest member of the extended family. However, because of the whooping cough, no way could anyone see the baby, or Cathy's sister and brother-in-law. And because the incubation period is three weeks, my mother-in-law wouldn't be allowed in her grand-daughter's house for three weeks after we left. Even better, Cathy and the kids were basically going to be housebound for the next seven days.
There were many tears in our house that night. Our kids were devastated. They wouldn't meet their new cousin, they couldn't play with their older cousin, they were going to be stuck inside for a week. Why did it happen? It's not fair!
How do you respond as a parent? In God's kindness, Cathy and I realized quickly that this was a training opportunity—a chance to train our children to live in a world of frustration. I know from Romans 8:18-25 that this isn't the greatest frustration that is going to occur in their lives or in mine; Ecclesiastes 7:13 is still true this side of the cross: “[W]ho can make straight what he has made crooked?”. This world is groaning, and it will continue to groan until the sons of God have been revealed. And so my kids need to learn what I need to keep learning—to respond to frustration by humbly accepting what comes from the hand of God (which will include disappointment and mourning the loss), asking God to use it to form our character into Christ's likeness and remembering in the midst of it that our home isn't here; our home is the kingdom to come where there will be no more sickness or death.
The thing I realized most clearly in all of this was that we just need to keep preaching the gospel to ourselves again and again. I know that God loves me because Jesus died for me. I know that suffering produces perseverance, character and a hope, and hope doesn't disappoint because I know the one who is victorious over the grave and the ruler of all creation. But it's much harder to preach to yourself in the midst of everyday life than it is in church on Sunday!
Thanks for sharing with us, Grimmo. Poor little Joel. :( It’s really encouraging to have godly Christian households to learn from.
It’s hard when things go pear-shaped unexpectedly. One of the things I need to keep learning in those times is to let go of the reigns of control & trust God.
Paul,
I am curious at your use of the phrase ‘from the hand of God’ in connection with the incident of your son catching whooping cough. You seem to suggest that God was the author and ? by implication that God is the author of suffering generally.
In respect of what actually happened, life is filled with dissapointments etc and you are quite right, it is challenging to respond in a Godly fashion.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your comment and your observation. As you have rightly guessed, I didn’t just use the phrase by accident but with intention. I spoke in these terms because I think they reflect a significant aspect of the biblical revelation of God.
To give you a few examples, when Job’s family is struck down and his whole world is shattered he says, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.” Both the good and bad came from the hand of God. And I don’t think this is isolated language in the Bible. Is 45:7 speaks of God as creating light and darkness, well-being and calamity. Amos 3:6 asks if disaster can come upon a city apart from God bringing that disaster. Even in Genesis 50:20 Joseph can say that his brothers have acted evilly but that God’s hand was in it all. Ecclesiastes is very interesting in that it suggests that this world is ‘bent’ by the hand of God (e.g. Eccl 1:15 cf. 7:13). God’s purpose is found in Eccl 3:14, to teach us to look beyond ourselves to the creator and sustainer and giver of life.
To summarize I guess the Bible clearly talks about evil happening and deserving judgement. But God’s hand is also in every event. Another important example is Is 10. God uses Assyria as the instrument of his judgement against Israel, but Assyria will also be judged for her wickedness in overthrowing Israel.
I guess my main point is that I trust that all of the circumstances of my life are a part of God’s activity in the world and that as a son, he will discipline me by those things form my character in Christ’s likeness (Heb 12:1-11). This doesn’t mean that other malevolent forces are not at work but that God is so sovereign that even those malevolent forces are under his control to bring about his plans and purposes in the world.
When I suffer, the suffering is under the control of God and so is the outcome.
I hope that helps a bit to understand why I said what I said.
Grimmo.
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